Still Walking, Still Hoping
Nancy Barbula is turning grief into a movement for suicide awareness
When Nancy Barbula steps into the crowd of supporters at the Out of the Darkness Walk, she’ll be wearing a string of white beads. The walk to raise awareness about suicide prevention is a tradition in Billings and one that Nancy hasn’t missed in 15 years. When the announcer asks everyone with white beads to hold them up, she’ll raise her beads, look around and see maybe a hundred or more other strings of white beads held overhead, a reminder that she’s not alone.
At the walk, white beads are given to everyone who has lost a child to suicide. Those who have lost a spouse or partner raise red beads. Those who have lost a parent raise yellow beads. If you’ve lost a sibling you’ll raise orange beads, and if you’ve struggled with thoughts of suicide, you will raise green beads. There are nine identifying colors in all.
“Look at all these people who have lost a child, lost a spouse, lost a parent,” Nancy says, reflecting on the day. “It brings everyone together in community.”
Nancy lost her son to suicide in 2002. She watched him struggle with depression, complicated by substance use.
“He was only 23. He had a huge heart and a beautiful smile and gave the biggest bear hugs,” Nancy says.
The loss was heartbreaking, and, at the time, Nancy knew almost nothing about suicide prevention. In the years that followed, she found peace and healing through her faith and in her church community. She speaks freely about her experience now, but wishes she had the same freedom to talk about suicide when her son died.
“I want to bring awareness so it’s not so taboo to talk about it, so people aren’t afraid to share their experiences,” she says.
Nancy has become an unstoppable champion for suicide prevention and has helped raise funds for the cause for the past 15 years. Her involvement started when she saw a poster for the annual Out of the Darkness Walk. She sold Tupperware at the time and wanted to donate to the silent auction. Before she knew it, she was helping plan the silent auction, and she’s been helping organize the walk ever since.
Nancy is now the chair of the Yellowstone Valley Out of the Darkness Walk, and this is her second year in that role. With the help of a core team of other volunteers, Nancy helps to find sponsors, organize fundraisers and arrange awareness opportunities in advance of the walk. She’s the local organization’s spokesperson and can be heard on the radio, seen on TV and found at local restaurants that host suicide awareness fundraisers. Everywhere she goes, she meets people whose lives have been impacted by suicide.
“I think everyone has been touched by suicide in one way or another,” Nancy says. “I don’t think they even have to try hard to come up with the name of someone who has been lost to suicide.”
Nancy also helps coordinate a flash tattoo sale with 406 Ink that has people lined up for hours to get a semicolon tattoo. All proceeds from the sale support the Yellowstone Valley Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. The semicolon is a symbol of suicide prevention because the punctuation is used when a writer could have chosen to end their sentence but instead continued. It symbolizes a person’s decision to carry on with their life story despite the challenges. Last year, Nancy got her first tattoo, a semicolon with her son’s name, Jake, inside a looping heart.
“At some of our fundraisers we get the opportunity to talk to people and love on people,” she says. “As they share their stories, we listen and ask them questions about the one they lost.”
Last year more than 1,000 people attended the walk, and this year, Nancy is hoping for twice that number.
“The community has been so supportive with donations for the silent auction, sponsorships, and in-kind donations,” she says.
The Walk includes activities for all ages, raffles, a silent auction and music. There are tables set up to offer resources and support to those who have lost a loved one to suicide. More than 75 volunteers, including Nancy, make it happen.
“People who come for the first time are often surprised,” she says. “It’s a Sunday afternoon. It’s family time. You want to be there with your family.”
The Walk is the culmination of Nancy and her team’s preparation, but Nancy is committed year-round to suicide awareness and prevention. She’s always open to sharing her story and listening to the stories of others. She will never know how many suicides she has prevented or how many individuals have found a measure of peace because of her outspokenness.
“I look at this as my voice to touch others, even in their hardest times,” Nancy says. “I can reach out so they know they have options, and they can ask for help.”
Yellowstone Valley Out of the Darkness Walk
Join in the fight
The 21st annual Yellowstone Valley Out of the Darkness Community Walk will be held on Sunday, Sept. 21, at Will James Middle School. The event begins at 12:30 pm. The opening program starts at 2 followed by the walk. The walk winds through the neighborhood and covers two miles. A shorter option is also available. The event includes a silent auction, raffles, music and sharing. The walk is a family friendly event, and it is free. However, preregistration is appreciated. For more information and to register, go to www.afsp.org/yellowstonevalley. The walk is hosted by the Yellowstone Valley Chapter of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the funds raised are used to help distribute awareness materials, share prevention training and awareness events. The foundation offers training programs, including Talk Saves Lives, Talks Saves Lives Workplace, and Introduction to Supporting Those at Risk. A suicide-loss support group is also part of the programming the foundation provides.
