31 Years of Christmas Cheer
A cherished tradition built on friendship
On the first Saturday of December, a group of longtime friends gathers around a beautifully decorated dining room table in Billings to kick off the Christmas season. There are cookies, holiday cheer, a festive lunch — and then things get serious.
For 31 years, these women have gathered for their annual cookie and ornament exchange, a beloved tradition built on friendship. But when each woman brings out the wrapped ornament she brought to exchange, friends become fierce competitors. There is plenty of stealing and strategizing in pursuit of the one ornament each woman would love to take home.
“It’s cutthroat,” party host Connie Duneman says with a laugh. “They will do just about anything to get that ornament. There is no friendship when that happens; it’s off the table.”
Roberta Fox has attended every cookie exchange since the beginning. “These friends are just very special to me,” she says. “Some of them I don’t see maybe more than at the cookie exchange, but we just love each other, and we have the best time together.”
When Connie and her sister, Sharon Weatherwax-Ripley, decided to host their first Christmas cookie exchange back in 1995, they had no idea it would become a time-honored tradition for their friends. Delicious Christmas cookies and lovely Christmas tree ornaments make the gatherings more special, but the recipe for the party’s success lies in the treasured friendships these women have developed over the last three decades.
“They just want to visit, figure out what everyone is doing in their lives and hear how their families are,” Connie says. “We’ve all been through a lot. We’ve had people who have had cancer in our group, had babies, kids growing up and getting married … it’s just a lot. We get to reconnect and encourage each other.”
Each year, Connie spends about a week decorating her entire house, so her guests feel the Christmas spirit the minute they walk through the front door.
“She puts up three trees, the bathrooms are decorated, the bedrooms are decorated. She puts up her Dickens Village which is probably 50 to 60 houses,” Sharon says. “The nativity collection has got to be pushing 30 to 40 different nativities. We all pitch in and help her wherever we can, but it happens because Connie keeps it going.”
Partygoer Kim Wallila agrees. “Connie has such a gift of hospitality and makes everyone feel so special and loved,” Kim says. “She takes so much time decorating her home. It’s like you’re going into a Christmas museum. Every inch is decorated so beautifully, and there’s just a spirit of calm and joy and celebration.”
Over the years, the number of friends gathering around the table has fluctuated. Some years, as many as 16 friends squeeze around Connie’s beautifully decorated table. In recent years, the gathering has been limited to 10 women, so everyone has time to visit.
The women who attend the party often hunt for ornaments year-round, searching for something special that will be a hit during the ornament exchange. One guest visits Germany often and finds her ornaments there.
“If your ornament gets stolen several times, it’s a compliment,” Sharon says. “One year, somebody took their own ornament back because they loved it that much.”
As the battle begins, each woman chooses a wrapped ornament. Once she unwraps it, she can keep it or steal another friend’s ornament. There’s plenty of stealing, wheeling and dealing, and sometimes a little trickery, Connie says.
“Sometimes people try to team up, which is not supposed to happen,” she says. “They do these little hand signals that say, ‘I can take that one and then we’ll exchange.’”
One year, Connie took desperate measures to try to keep her friends from stealing an ornament she loved.
“Connie tried to lick an ornament, thinking that would keep us from taking it,” Sharon says with a laugh. “It didn’t work.”
Several of the partygoers are retired educators and years ago, a guest brought an ornament featuring one teacher’s school picture. That ornament, with teacher Kim Wallila’s photo, is still exchanged each year.
“It’s such a fun, silly part of the day,” Kim says. “It’s exciting and terrifying because who wants to see their face on an ornament? But it’s fun to see it. It’s kind of like the token booby prize every year.”
Each guest also brings a dozen cookies for every other partygoer. Both sisters love baking and Sharon once owned a bakery, but their guests aren’t pressured into making the perfect cookie. Connie bakes the same cookie recipe year after year — Sunflower Seed Cookies — and it’s become a favorite with the ladies and their families.
“When I get home, those are the ones that I put in the freezer where my husband can’t find them,” Sharon says.
For these dear friends, the annual party is a can’t-miss event. The year that party-goer Carolyn Story was due to deliver a baby around the holidays, she made sure she was ready for the cookie exchange.
“She chose a cookie that she could freeze and baked her cookies before she went into labor so, just in case the timing was rough, she would have them,” Sharon says.
These days, several of the friends who gather for the annual party are retired. The oldest is 83 and the youngest is 60. Every year, Connie asks herself if the party is worth all the hard work. Every year, she answers yes.
“It’s a lot of work and every year I say, ‘What am I doing?’” Connie says. “But then they get here and we’re so excited so see each other and they’re excited to see the house is ready. They’re always happy to be here, even if life is hard.”
Connie’s and Sharon’s love for Christmas stretches back to childhood, when their mom always made sure the holiday was extra special. As Connie looks back on three decades of gathering dear friends around her table, she also thinks about the future. Her daughter, Madison, often helps her mom decorate for the party and Connie would love to see her carry on this holiday tradition.
“Madison wants to learn how to do it so she can host her friends,” Connie says.
What’s the secret to hosting a great cookie exchange party? Connie says it helps to start small and limit the guest list, so everyone gets a chance to visit. She also recommends celebrating early in December because guests are more relaxed and less busy than later in the holiday season. She says not to stress about baking fabulous cookies. Instead, focus on the laughter and love of great friends gathered around the table. But when it comes to exchanging ornaments, prepare for combat.
“It can be brutal!” Connie says with a laugh.
“What makes it special is just catching up with friends,” Sharon adds. “It does feel like the start of the holiday season. We’ve wondered if we’re getting too old for this, and do we really need all these cookies? The answer is no, we’re not too old and yes, we do.”
Sunflower Seed Cookies
~Recipe from Connie Duneman
1 c. white sugar
1 c. brown sugar
1 c. margarine
2 eggs
1 t. vanilla extract
2 c. flour
¼ t. salt
½ t. baking powder
1 t. baking soda
2 c. oatmeal (old fashioned, uncooked)
1 c. sunflower seeds
1 c. shredded coconut
DIRECTIONS
Cream white sugar, brown sugar and margarine together until light in color. Add eggs and one teaspoon of vanilla extract. Sift together the flour, salt, baking powder and baking soda. Add to mixture. Stir in oatmeal, sunflower seeds and coconut. Drop on a greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees until brown. If you’d like thicker cookies, add a half cup of additional flour.
