Be Kind
Little acts go a long way to brighten lives
For 25 years, this magazine has celebrated the best of our community. With magazine in hand, we’ve read about women taking on poverty, injustice, and using their time to help others heal their pain. There have been stories about improving the world with art, education and meals. And, together, we’ve helped to fill thousands of Empty Stockings for children in foster care to have Christmas gifts under the tree. When you add that all together, we’ve literally watched, through these stories, countless acts of kindness.
In late December, with a to-do list that included a temporary move, I was chatting with Julie Koerber, the publisher of YVW, who seems to have no limits to the acts of kindness she is able to take on. In honor of this special anniversary, I suggested, what if I wrote about 25 ways to randomly act with kindness? I started watching for the little acts, those random gifts that make a stranger smile, the acts that you and I — no matter how busy we are — can perform while going about our day. Some happened so seamlessly that the recipient barely noticed. Others bowled people over with joy and gratitude.
You may be the kindest human ever who needs no help in spreading joy. But, if you are like me, you could always use a boost in your kindness game. Here are 25 ways to do just that.
1. Hold the door. Male, female, young or old, hold the door, and smile as they walk through.
2. Let them hold the door. And smile and say “thank you.” It doesn’t mean you can’t handle the door; it means we are humans looking out for each other.
3. Carry the box. I do strength exercises every day so that I can carry my own boxes, but, my oh my, do I appreciate it when someone offers to share my load.
4. Look them in the eye. They opened the door, delivered your groceries, washed your car. Notice them. Tip them more than is customary. Look them in the eye and say “thank you” like you truly mean it. Please.
5. Stop and listen. The most gratifying statement I ever heard about my parenting was when my daughter’s friend (then teens) said, “Wow your mom actually listened to you.” Yes, the phone was ringing and chaos was reigning, but nothing mattered more than the person who needed my attention. Stop and listen. It’s very kind.
6. Pick up the poop. I recently saw a man walking in the park, picking up poop. He didn’t have a dog, but he had a bucket and it was almost full. When I handed him a coffee card, he told me he does this twice a week, so people don’t step in “it” while playing with their dogs. I kid you not. I think that is beyond kind. I feel like I should say something about picking up after your dog, how very kind that is, but you already know this.
7. Carry coffee cards. This is double act. First the coffee shop appreciates your purchase. Secondly, having them handy means you can randomly celebrate people who carry buckets in parks.
8. Leave a review. When you get good service, say so. Too often, raises are based on reviews. When you get bad service, assume they were just having a bad day and give them another try. Leave the bad reviews to the overactive Karens of the world.
9. Buy the balloon. Or the book, or the groceries. Notice when a treat is out of the question, and make it happen. Quietly. Kindly.
10. Be the first to clap. Loudly. No matter how good or bad the presenter did, applaud their effort. A silent audience sounds like bad fish smells. It’s not pleasant.
11. Spread compliments like glitter. “I like your hair.” “That blouse is a great color on you.” Earlier, that human stood in front of the mirror hoping someone would like what they chose to wear. Be that someone.
12. Buy the book. Shop with your enterprising friends first. You don’t have to read the book, or display the doodad, but they probably need the sale.
13. Slip them a twenty. Or a ten, or even a dollar. I carry a few small envelopes with treat money in it and slip them silently to people who need a pick-me-up. I am gone before they know what happened.
14. Stop at the lemonade stand. Please and thank you. You are filling that child’s dream. (Drinking the lemonade is at your own risk.)
15. Listen to the story. Again and probably again. It’s important to them, and the telling will only take a moment. (Well, sometimes it takes hours, but still.)
16. Give new items to your favorite donation location. And remember trash is trash and don’t burden them with crap that no longer has life left in it.
17. Sit with a grieving person. Don’t pontificate, placate or be overly upbeat. Ask about their loved one and sit quietly with them while they grieve.
18. Let them use their gift. Whatever someone is trying to do for you, be it clean your house, carry your box, or sing off-key. Encourage them in the use of their gift and watch the smiles break out.
19. Give up your seat, your place in line, the last of the cookies. It’s random, it’s selfless. It’s free. It’s an appreciated kindness.
20. Sing, effuse joy, make some noise! Our family, especially at Christmas, is known for public displays of joy, crazy clothes, happy songs, loud proclamations of togetherness. Almost every time we are making a joyful noise, someone thanks us for brightening their day. Your joy can help someone else feel joy. Let it out.
21. Invite a stranger to lunch, or coffee, or to share your journey, whatever it is. I have made incredible friends and found the world’s most awesome mentor for my grandson by simply asking people to join me. Only once did I regret offering the invitation, and that is a story for another day.
22. Bake cookies for the neighbors. We are temporarily in a new neighborhood and have enjoyed fresh and delivered coffee cake, meeting pets and learning the names of the people who have come to our door for introductions. It may be old fashioned, but I think it is incredibly kind to be greeted by name when I dash to the mailbox with my hair in a towel.
23. Snap the picture. Of joy, not pain. When you see someone sharing a moment, making a memory, missing the way their spouse is admiring them, take a photo and promptly ask to airdrop it to them.
24. Put down the camera. This is both a lecture and an act of kindness. Do not, unless you want to be seen as a buffoon, film your kindness. And, if you do film it, for goodness’ sake don’t share it. That makes you look pathetic, not generous, and we both know you want to be generous, that’s why you are still reading.
25. Be kind to you. I believe that kindness, empathy, and the art of grace should begin with you. Being kind to yourself makes it possible to notice everyone else, and to have the energy to surprise them with random acts of kindness and love.
Random acts of kindness don’t need to be expensive. They don’t need to be new cars, hundred-dollar tips, or, like Julie, need to be an entire magazine to showcase people’s best. The kindest acts are spur-of-the-moment, I-noticed-you acts. They are simple, but they leave an impression. Today, a young man about tripped three of his friends so he could open a restaurant door for my spouse and me. He simply opened a door, but it made an impression because he smiled so brightly as he did it.
Simple. Honest. I see you. Kindness. It’s how we create a happy community, and a better world today and 25 years from now.
