Notes from Barry
‘Believe you are bigger than your difficulties’
The wind howls as Malena Allsop crosses the parking lot to the front door of the coffee shop. She lugs a pile of books that looks like it weighs as much as she does. The pile includes personal journals, notebooks filled with heartfelt jottings to friends, a treasure trove of tender missives to family, along with business advice. Every word was hand-written by Malena’s husband, Barry, before he died.
The books and journals symbolize a life rewritten. As Barry’s life began to fade, Malena promised him she wouldn’t sell the family business. Instead, she’d be at the helm.
Two and a half decades ago, the couple started The Blind Guy, a local custom window covering business. Barry managed the daily operations while Malena handled the financial record keeping from home. She wasn’t above cleaning the bathrooms on weekends.
The two did it all while raising their three sons, Ethan, Kade and Tatum. Malena often balanced work with carting the boys to school and then to basketball games. Never did this woman, who by all accounts sparkles, imagine that her husband would fall ill and then that she’d one day have to learn what it took to become a successful businesswoman.
Barry had always been the one she depended on, the fun guy in her life, the dad who taught his sons to ride motorcycles, chase the wind, build things and love people. He died in 2022 at age 48 from what’s considered a highly curable cancer.
In the midst of his illness, the family was making big plans. They had purchased property west of town and planned to build a “shouse.” A hybrid building that could function both as a house and a shop was a dream they had worked toward for years.
“We thought everything would be fine,” Malena says. “After being diagnosed with tongue cancer in October 2019, Barry had his first surgery four months later. It all started with a sore on his tongue that we thought was a swollen taste bud.”
The initial surgery went well. The future looked good. The business was clicking along. The boys remained busy in school and sports.
But then, a year later the cancer came back, requiring another surgery followed by six weeks of radiation and chemotherapy. Malena kept up with the boys while Todd Harp, a family friend, helped drive Barry back and forth to appointments.
In between treatments, Barry never stopped working.
“He was tough,” Malena says, adding that her husband’s favorite book was “The Go-Getter” by Peter B. Kyne, one of the books in his pile.
Confident that the illness was again conquered, the family embraced a renewed sense of stability. After the last chemo treatment, however, things went sideways. “The side of Barry’s neck was completely exposed,” Melena says, lightly clutching her throat. “You could see his Adam’s apple.”
With their home in the middle of construction, the family needed help. Barry’s good friend Steve Wylie stepped in, as did Pastor Danny Houde and many others from New Life Church.
“That’s when Barry started writing notes because he had had part of his tongue removed,” Malena says, tears filling her bright blue eyes. “He had gone through speech therapy, but it was hard for him to swallow and he couldn’t talk. He wrote notes in a notebook to people and he wrote notes to us.”
One of Barry’s notes reads: “There is an abundance of joy in everything. We just have to look for it.”
Joy came when Malena and Barry hosted Ethan’s high school graduation party and an open house four years ago this month. Ethan was 19, Kade, 15, and Tatum, 7.
Another note says, “Smile. Always smile. Be patient, be happy. We are all so blessed. We are all different. God loves us all the same.”
Malena treasures the notes from Barry. They challenge her to keep up the good fight. “God had a plan for him,” she says. “He was suffering.” A huge tumor had grown on the other side of Barry’s neck. It looked doubtful he would beat the odds this time.
“We took care of him 24/7, at home,” Malena says. “He kept such a positive attitude. I was so scared.” Two days before he died that August, Barry wrote this note: “God has a definite plan for us. You will get through it.”
Another nugget Barry left his family on the day he died was a sticky note attached to a page in a book by Norman Vincent Peale. The verse reads, “Believe that you’re bigger than your difficulties for you are, indeed.”
“It became so dark,” Malena says. “It was awful how Barry died. My heart felt so broken. I went to the doctor as I thought I was having a heart attack. It was the worst pain and I didn’t think I’d make it. I knew Jesus, but I was stuck; so stuck I couldn’t get out of it. The boys and I prayed. We talked. We cried. We had good support.” She remembers her youngest telling her, “Someday I’m going to see my dad.”
Malena decided she had to find out who she was without Barry. “I was crushed. I couldn’t move. Deep down, I felt like I had failed him. I couldn’t save him. I called my mom and she came and stayed with me for a week.”
Barry’s niece also visited for a couple of weeks. “We had the business taxes to do,” Malena says. “So, one month after Barry died, I went into the office. The business was still running, as we had good employees, but I needed help.”
Malena called Karmen Kerr-Hedges, her best friend since high school. “I told Karmen, ‘I can’t function,’ and she said, ‘I got this. You’re smart. You can do this.’”
The days and weeks turned into months as Malena struggled with tragedy, loss and learning how to run a business. “I’m from a tiny school. I had two years of tech. I was a stay-at-home wife and mom,” she says. “I had to dig deep and tell myself, ‘I can do this!’”
As she faced trying to keep the family business afloat, she remembered Barry’s wishes.
“Barry had three things for me. No. 1: I cannot sell the business. No. 2: I have to keep the boys in Christian school, and, No. 3: We have to go to church every Sunday,” Malena says.
A particular note from Barry, “I do not live in fear” is the family’s daily reminder. Ethan and Kade tattooed the saying on their arms, while Tatum plans to get the tattoo when he’s old enough.
The fear Malena first felt has started to lessen as she’s hit her stride with the company. “I’ve had to learn a lot about running a business,” she says. “I keep a positive attitude. I’m good to my people, my customers and my friends. It’s made my people stronger salespeople.” The business is thriving, with sales increasing each year since. She’s even earned trips through the industry for increased business. Through it all, she’s held onto another one of Barry’s sage pieces of advice: “Never give up. God has your back.”
“We’ve done really well. Barry would be proud of us. I’m loving on everyone. I bring food in, make coffee and I still clean the office toilets,” Malena says with a smile. “I’m thankful for what I have. My friends, God, family, and my mom who taught me to be who I am.”
