Three Gifts For You

Nothing. On Purpose. Now and Then.

’Tis the season for gifting, and I am going to give you nothing, because I think it might be the only thing that truly matters. Imagine, if you will, that it is Christmas morning. Gifts under the tree. Lights flickering. Your people. Food in the cupboard and a heart full of peace and tasks, tasks, tasks. The only thing missing is nothing.

The season was spent running from errand to errand, in ugly sweaters and your Christmas finest, doing the things, being the places, hoping to feel the feels. And now, you have made it to the finish line, with nothing left to give. You asked your spouse, your adult children and your friends what they wanted this year, and they said, what they always say, “nothing.” Still, you got them a little something so they would know you care. They asked you what you wanted, and you said, as they did, “nothing.” And now, here you are with so much accumulated something that the idea of basking in the moment by doing nothing is not even rational.

There is no time to sit with a glass of water, which is the perfect beverage for you because it takes nothing to prepare, and contains nothing to feel guilty about, while staring off into tree lights or Christmas snow. There is no time to simply bask in love, laughter and hugs, to have moments full of nothing, because there is always something to be done.

What if you gave the people who said, “nothing,” nothing? Would they love you less? I think not. Would you laugh more? I think so. What if you said, this year, just this once, I am doing nothing, I am just going to watch, and listen, hug and sing, maybe tell the family lore. And for this season, I am going to revel in the fact that sometimes doing nothing, giving nothing, is the only thing that matters because you have time to give the only thing that matters, love.

Which takes me to On Purpose.

I discovered the idea of On Purpose quite by accident, which is a bit of irony that I adore. I had tweaked my ankle hiking, my bike clanged against the golf clubs in my van, and I had new art supplies, guests coming for a patio dinner, and 10 client calls to make before I could call it a day. My phone kept ringing, and I knew that if one or more of those calls had the power to distract me, I’d justify the distraction with something like, it was for love, it was going to be fun, it was a fine reason for a snack.

And then, it hit me. I was going to need to be very on purpose if I was going to get through the day with any semblance of grace. I’d need to say no to distraction, yes to the grindstone and be completely, utterly on purpose with all of my actions. On Purpose. I lived that day, and then the next, on purpose.

I ate what I ate, on purpose. I went to bed, at the appointed hour (which I often miss), on purpose. I talked with and actually listened to my brother, on purpose. Things went on my to do list not hither and yon with the best of intentions, but you guessed it, on purpose. If I wasn’t going to do it, I didn’t write it down, and if I wrote it down, it was on purpose, and so I did it. Since then, I’ve helped friends and clients to be more purposeful with their calendars, their lives, and not a day goes by that someone doesn’t say, “Guess what I did on purpose today?”

The act of living On Purpose is a gift I’d like to give you for 2025. Imagine, if you will, doing what you say you will do, because you said it on purpose. Taking better care of you, because you deserve to be cared for with great purpose. Buying a chocolate cake at Costco, eating one little piece, because that’s all you really want anyway, and giving the rest away, on purpose. That’s what I did last week, and it was delicious, and it was liberating, and I ate a salad for dinner, on purpose, just to balance things out.

I am not perfect, and you probably aren’t either, but each day, if we try to do one thing that matters to us, completely on purpose, I’m pretty sure we will be a bit happier in our here and now.

Which takes me to the gift of Now and Then.

Way back when, when I was trying to become more confident, more successful, and really the me I wanted to be, I was introduced to Tich Nacht Hahn and his book “Living Buddha, Living Christ.” The book draws interesting parallels, but that was not my takeaway. My takeaway was being solidly in the here and now: breathing out bad and breathing in good, breathing out ugliness and breathing in beauty, breathing out worry and breathing in the now.

And so, I did. And so, I grew. I learned to be here, to be present, to do one thing at a time, and to do it with awareness. As I became stronger, I looked out at the world as much as I looked in, and I realized that if we want our tomorrow, our then, to be beautiful, we have to make sure today is beautiful. If we want to sit on the floor at 90, we better sit on the floor now. If we want someone to hold hands with, walk with, and share memories with, we better hold hands, walk and share now. If we want to go on adventures then, we probably should have adventures now.

I know. I opened this column by telling you to do nothing on purpose and now I am telling you to do your stretches and hug your people. That is the great conundrum of life, how to have it all, be it all, and feel it all, while still doing nothing from time to time. Think of it as honoring your life. When you are busy, be busy. When you are sick, be sick. Pay attention to the now, and the then will come along and reward you with strength and passion.

As we experience the season and look forward to 2025, I hope you will join me in doing nothing on purpose now and then.